Saturday, February 17, 2007

Beauty In The Breakdown

I think one of my flaws is that I think too much.  I analyze everything.  I was sitting here after finishing up a bunch of stuff and I started listening to that damn song.  Drink up baby down... are you in or are you out... leave your things behind... cuz it's all going off without you...  Basically at what point do I let go of all my mistrusts and let down my wall?  I can say forever how I'm not ready but really... am I ever going to be?  This isn't a dress rehearsal... this is it.  I am not quite sure if I believe in the whole heaven/hell/afterlife thing... I certainly hope things could end so perfectly that I end up with all my friends and family.  But... what a sad life to lead if one does not let the people that matter in.  I am far too weak for the emotions that I have been feeling lately.  Check my vitals... I've been held hostage... A captive of this passive shell... Give me gravity... give me clarity... give me something to rely on...

It is that weakness... where you just want a guy to stand with you... lean back against and be held by him.  Let go... and allow someone else to carry your world for a little bit... That weakness scares me... but I think I am ready for it again.

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