Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The past few days I haven't been able to post... I have just been flooded with stuff from Family Emergencies to "Meeties" to finishing up things at work. I've been busy. I have decided that now is the time to post my final thoughts before the end of the year. The rest of this week is going to be lots of work. Then it's Christmas and two days after that Ian is here. We are most likely going to be busy, so I just don't see myself posting at all before 2008.

My overall thoughts about this year are *insert instrumental music here*... It was a really good year. I lost some friends a long the way. I gained the greatest boyfriend I've ever had. Our relationship has been tested and we pulled through. I had the best birthday I've ever had in my entire life and I doubt that I will ever top it... but if I stay with Ian I am sure he will make each one better. I proved that I could go back to school and do better than I did in the past. I landed a permanent job at a very good company and enjoy the perks of said job. I bought a Rocking Fluffy Rubber Ducky with Ian. I learned from 2006 and remind myself daily of it. And lastly, I know how lucky I am... even if I have the worst day... it's tremendously better than any day in my past.

For 2008... I know that my relationship with Ian will continue to be tested because the distance is horrible... and if we get into an argument... we can't see each other's face and enjoy the benefits of affection... but I hope that we will continue to remind each other that... many coincidences and signs brought us together and what we have is worth it all. I hope that the situation at my work gets better. We develop medicines that help people through deadly diseases. It is not all about making money. The benefit outweighs the risk. People need to be reminded of that. I hope that I am able to become comfortable once again in my skin. Lately... I feel uncomfortable 99% of the time... I am sure that doesn't make me the happiest person to be around... but I hope to work through it. Ian helps me with it.

And there it is... my thoughts about the past and my hopes for the future. *end instrumental music*

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Have a wonderful New Year. I know I will.

And here's something to tap your toes to... I'll be back in 2008!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Oh Hey It's Friday

So... Yeah I had a little family emergency and had to leave work to go to the hospital. But now I think I am sick... GREAT! Tomorrow I get glasses. YAY. Or at least start the process of getting glasses. Christmas is almost here... and so is Ian.

For now... enjoy some electronic bubble wrap...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

*Topples Over*

I have a feeling that I am going to topple over a lot when I'm pregnant.

Pregnancy Balance

Still Want A Sloth

3 words... Diapered Sloth Butt

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Gingerbread Ducky!

Yeah, that's right... I got a gingerbread ducky when Ian was here. I took it to work and it was a big hit. My boss is now off to the horrible Denmark trip that I had to plan... so things are really busy for me. Big meetings, lots of calls, tons of documents to look over and send out. But 13 days left until Christmas and 15 days until Ian gets here. I can try to last. The time between the two trips has gone quickly for me... not quick enough but definitely better than the previous times.

All want for Christmas..... is you................. You know who you are.. =P

Monday, December 10, 2007

It's Beginning To...

Look A Lot Like Christmas... Every... where... you go...

Okay, so I am finally in the Christmas mood. 14 days people.. Fourteen Days!!! It was really cold over the weekend which was awesome... but I want some rain. They said it was going to rain last week and it never happened... boo.

Let's play Santa's Lap:

I've been a good girl this year... and I want:

1) Ian
2) Seattle Seahawks Jersey
3) Nintendo DS Limited Edition Bundle - Rose
4) Anything Ducky related
5) New Dishes
6) A cotton bathrobe to go with my ducky slippers

Anyway, it's going to be another long and stressful week. I have to go prepare for a meeting. Have a good one!

Friday, December 7, 2007

It's Friday, oh yes it is. *does some more jigging* I really needed this weekend to happen. Even though it might suck, I need the time away from work so badly.

FYI... If I had a baby badger I would name him Oreo. Just so ya'll know.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Bad Taste

So the Spice Girls have reunited and are touring. Scary. Not the Spice Girl. Honestly, I never was a HUGE fan... but I did listen to their music. Everyone did at that age. Shut up.

My favorite song. I don't know why. Shut up.

Colors of the world - SPICE UP YOUR LIFE. Every boy and every girl - SPICE UP YOUR LIFE.

Sleeping And Posting

I am not sure why I can't sleep right now. I know there are a ton of factors though... I seem to have no tolerance for smells today. I thought I kept smelling dust all day. Then when I got home it was some weird cooking smell that I can't pinpoint or make go away. I have a ton of stuff on my plate at work. I lay down and I start thinking about it... all the stuff I have to do before year end... then I throw in the personal stuff I have to do by year end and it's this vicious cycle of worries. I can't wait for the days when I can worry about having to change Emma instead of worrying about my boss that needs his hand held. I love working for him don't get me wrong... but some days it's a bit much. Lately, it seems every day there's an issue about something that I have to reassure him multiple times about. But today was an overall bad work day. I just got volunteered to do a bunch of projects and meetings on top of my already overloaded schedule. Swamped doesn't begin to describe it. To top it off I broke my glasses when Ian was here and they won't get fixed for 2 weeks.

Ian's visit is helping me get through it all though. Every time we have to part it is just heartbreaking. It was supposed to get easier... but it seems the more I fall when I am with him the harder it is. At Thanksgiving it was just as hard as it has ever been. I hated it because of all the people watching... They see these two people... just absolutely crushed because they are separating... crying their eyes out. Even after he walked through the beginning of the security line... there was space for him to stop and hold onto me with a barrier between us. We had spent the entire time together just being sick... and yet I loved every minute.

Anyway, just getting my worries and thoughts out this way help... especially when I can't seem to verbalize them. I think I can sleep now... Ian is already quietly snoring away. Ooga Booga.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


YAY!!! It's supposed to rain again this weekend... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I'm done. Anyway, it's going to rain this weekend and yet today is a high of 80 degrees... WTH! I am stuck to my desk preparing for a big meeting next week. I can't believe the end of the year is this busy. I finally don't work in an area that is finance related. Usually end of the year for financial institutions are crazy busy with reconciliations and things like that. However, it seems the biotech industry is crazy busy as well. With different agencies going on vacation and important reviewers taking leave... it all mashes together and everything becomes due at once. To top it off, we have to go through the process of reviews and peer-feedback before the end of the year. Like everyone else, I am definitely looking forward to time off. More so because I get a visit from Ian. YAY!!!!

Someone PICK HIM UP!!!! Geez!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Seahawks Recap Week 13

We move to 8 & 4 with a win over the Eagles. My favorite part is when the announcer calls Lofa "Twopoo".

December Is Here!

This month just kind of creeped up on me! I really wish I lived some where that didn't have the sucky weather California has. Give me snow. Give me rain. Give me sweaters and scarves... I would give anything to live in a place that had seasonal weather. It is soooo depressing have the same thing every day... 60 - 70 degrees with little if any clouds in the sky. I would give up anything, except for Ian, to be able to live some where cold. I am not my happiest when there are days like this. Sunny, calm, perfect. Perfectly awful. I would be much more grateful of the sunny days if I could count on having a few months of cold and cloudy ones. Anyway, Ian comes back in 23 days. Must gather presents and plan our days... 10 Blissful Days with Ian... /starts praying for rain.

And a snowy bunneh...

Friday, November 30, 2007

It's Finally Friday...

It has been a short week but I guess because I am sick it has felt much longer. I don't have anything new to add.. except.. Tomorrow is December... 27 days until Ian returns... It is shorter than the other times... but I miss him twice as much. Hopefully it goes fast...

I'm dead tired...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Political Mailer

This story is reason #1 why Mitt Romney shouldn't be elected. There are many areas that can make one candidate better than another. Unfortunately, you can't and I believe shouldn't agree with everything a candidate stands for. One of my sticking points though is the pro-life vs. pro-choice debate. It is certainly a gray area. Personally, I don't think I would ever have one. But the idea that some up and coming politician wants to take away a woman's right to choose... is disgusting. We have a seperation of church and state for a reason... and he is clearly going to use his presidential power to further his religious views. This is just my opinion of course.

Rocking Rubber Fluffy Duckie

I am back. Sort of. This month has been one that I haven't posted a lot. I have just had a lot on my plate/mind/stuff. I was thinking that it would slow down at work because it's getting close to our holiday shutdown. But unfortunately it's been nothing but frantic around here. Really big meetings, self assessment (i.e. bonus process), travel, and lots of deadlines... Mixed in with all of that is my time off plus I am currently sick. I am feeling like I am missing things... But all I can do is try to keep up and hope for the best. I am sure next month and the beginning of the new year I will post more. I just have to check off a few more things on my To Do List.

Monday, November 19, 2007

It Is What It Is

Two days of work left... Then a nice long 6 day weekend! Thanksgiving is coming up. I am thankful for so many things. My life compared to the past is so much better. I am hoping that any current bumps in the road or things I have to overcome will soon pass... and I can continue to enjoy it.

For now... Babies. In. Hedgehog Suits. Nuff' said.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Into The Single Digits

Only 9 days left until Ian is here... It has been a long Monday morning... that is for sure. I drive happily into work... only to realize I have left my laptop at home. I drive all the way home and back... walk about halfway into my office when I realize that I have left the laptop in my car. Yeah... and it's only been downhill from there. Thankfully I have a bit of vacation time coming up as I think my brain needs a break!

Today is Veteran's Day... and while I oppose the war I am against anyone who says that if you oppose the war you do not support the troops. It is their job. Plain and simple. Hopefully our doofus President will bring them home soon... but I doubt it.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Moral Relativism

I've been busy the past few days and haven't had a chance to post. But right now I am viewing a webcast of our big staff meeting... so I can do other things while I'm listening. Yesterday I had a bit of a moral/morale issue with my job. Don't get me wrong... I love my job. I love everything about it. Even the bad parts. Yesterday was one of the bad parts. We develop living medicines to treat a variety of diseases, mostly cancer. Living medicine means that our products are produced from proteins. The difference between a pharmacology company and a biotechnology company is that they deal mainly with man-made chemicals... we use proteins, antibodies, bacteria... We just filed on a drug that was derived from e. coli... The possibilities are endless.

Unfortunately because the possibilities are endless... that means lots of testing. And of course... if the medicine is new... it's not going into humans first... it's going into animals. I get to hear about human testing (clinical trials, etc) all the time. Rarely do I have to hear about animal testing but yesterday I had to. I had to sit through a presentation on testing monkeys with a new drug and the side effects they experienced. A few months ago... it was dogs. The thought that somewhere within this company there is a dog... in a cage... basically being tortured... to develop a new medicine... makes me sick. But there is the ultimate question - As human beings, where do you draw the line? Obviously the line has been drawn for centuries. We are willing to subject poor, innocent, defenseless animals to benefit us - to further our lives while ending theirs.

The only thought that helps me look past the stories I hear is... we aren't a cosmetic company. We're not a company that in the end has no point. Our mission is to benefit patients. These patients are deathly ill or at least suffering in some way. We treat cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, debilitating psoriasis and many others. My team alone deals with drugs that help people get through their cancer, formally named Supportive Care Oncology. At the VERY least... I conclude that we are not a company based on the cosmetic industry. We aren't subjecting animals for the benefit of our outer beauty. It's a selfish view of reality but it's the lesser of two evils. I guess it's all relative.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Monday, October 29, 2007

Manic Monday

I spent my weekend watching baseball on my new TV. What a great time to be an American... /tear. Sort of just kidding.

Anyway, this week is shaping up to be pretty average. I narrowly avoided having to do lunch with the wolf in sheep's clothing (aka someone at work that makes it difficult for this place to stay drama free). But thanks to some tricky wording I (hopefully) was able to avoid the uncomfortable situation. I am going to go back to my cottage cheese, granola, cantaloupe, and grape mix. It's just another Manic Monday... I wish it were Sunday... Cause that's my fun day... My I don't have to run day.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


My lungs are killing me from the smoke. Well, I tried to post something from the My Love For... Series but decides it needs to break instead of post correctly. If I can fix it I might post it later this week. I don't feel good. I wanna go home.

I still hate this guy but I like the song. "Let's go on a living spree..."

Monday, October 22, 2007


I feel awful. Apparently Dubya is trying to kill off the liberals because half of California is on fire. Every where you look the sky is the yellowish brown to dark brown color. It burns your nose, throat and lungs... My asthma and allergies are driving me crazy. Anyway, this weekend was not really that great. Technology is apparently working against me. But the Seahawks won and Boston is going to the big show. I also bought a 22" Flat Screen TV... congrats me. Well, I better go back to work... but must have ibuprofen first.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Withdrawal Symptoms 101

Depressed Mood? Check.
Lethargic and Listless? Check.
Weak Heart and Difficulty Breathing? Check.

Well... looks like I am going through withdrawal once again. It is so hard to remain positive the first few days after parting ways with Ian. I miss him so completely that it is all I can think about. I should be thinking about the near future... his visit for Thanksgiving and New Years... but all I can concentrate on is what I am actively missing so much. Everything seems so pointless... Even work seems unimportant which is crazy because I have been out for a week and I'm swamped. I hope this passes soon because I bet I am not a ball of joy to be around.

I guess it's just this issue where I float so much when I'm around him and then I'm forced to come back down. DO NOT WANT (I Can Has Cheezburger Reference).

Yes, he's my heroin. I should just focus on the long road ahead... because it's so worth it.

Oh and I must remember that if I ever need a laugh... I should just watch more... HUMAN TETRIS!!!!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Slowly Going About My Day

I feel like I'm walking through glue. I don't feel like doing anything... I don't feel like anything is worth doing. I went through the pictures and video of this weekend. Here is a short clip (the audio is a bit loud...) of Ian and I feeding the seagulls from our hotel room at the Edgewater. As soon as we got one seagulls, it would start to squawk and a bunch would come. They would fly around and then flap like hummingbirds in front of our window waiting for us to throw the bread. So much fun...

*sigh* I don't know what I am going to do the rest of the day/week/month. I turned 25 while I was in Seattle and everything is really good. But I just don't feel complete when I am not with Ian. I think I'll go back to listening to my sad slow songs and continue going through the pictures. *sigh*

Monday, October 15, 2007

It's Not Fair

On the drive home from the airport all I could think about and cry about was... it's not fair. It's not fair that I connect with someone and fall for someone so much that lives so far away. I know it is my own fault for doing this again. But this time it's different. I have more fun with Ian than all my friends and boyfriends ever -- combined. Life seems so empty without him. Today I got on a little airport train thingy and I was separated from him. I looked through the few panes of glass that separated us... before I was torn from him. It's my fault but it's just not fair that I can't be with him all the time. When we are together it's like we never were apart. We fall right back into it... so when it comes time to leave again... it's almost surprising.

I didn't think it would hurt this much but honestly it hurts ten times more. On the way home from the airport the first time I was completely sad but I didn't cry until I got home. This time I cried from the moment I got into the car. I would try to distract myself by listening to the radio but then I would start thinking about leaving him again and then I'm a wreck. Even now... I have almost an hour until he gets home... I could do so much. I could unpack, go through my gifts or souvenirs, do laundry... anything... And yet the most I could do was take my camera out of my backpack and scroll through the pictures on it. It's even raining outside and I couldn't care less. I'm barely breathing.

All I can think about now is... 30+ days until I can do it all over again. It's not fair.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

And... I'm... Spent.

Last day of work before my WEEK long vacation. I can't believe I am going to wake up tomorrow and not have to rush to work. 7 whole days of rain, Ian, birthday and cloudy goodness. That's right... I am going to finally admit that my birthday is coming up... and while I am still going to say... OMG I am so old!!! Honestly... the ripe old age of 24 was actually pretty darn good. I think 25 is going to be a really good age for me. Everything is good. Even the bad is good. That doesn't make any sense but yeah... so true. I am still figuring things out which is only natural... I just want what every girl/guy/person/thing/it wants... to be happy and content. So far... so good...

Anyway, I probably won't be posting over the next few days because I will be a) on vacation, neener neener b) in Seattle buried deep in a hotel bed under a pile of blankets and c) riding a blissful few days in the company of Ian. I am sure that I will have a full report once I get back... But tomorrow I have a long day of manicure/pedicure appointments and packing. /swoon

I will probably get hell for posting this but I don't care! I'm a wonder woman... let me go get my robe... Wanna see you work your body... Yeah, I'm shaking my booty for my birthday! Get up uh...

Monday, October 8, 2007

One More Day Of Work

Only one more day of work left before my week vacation. I need this... I need this so much it hurts. I need to be with Ian again. Have fun, laugh and smile again. I laugh and smile when he isn't around but they aren't as real as when he is here. I just want to enjoy the rain (hopefully there will be some!) and everything that comes with it. I am taking off the day before and the day after my trip just to have some time off. After my vacation it starts the countdown until Thanksgiving when Ian is coming back. It's funny... before the September trip I was unsure if he and I would want him to visit again. Now there is no question that I want him to visit (aka live) here forever. *sigh* Is it time to go home yet?

Thursday, October 4, 2007

First Thursday Of October

Yay! I've got nothing. Although I am starting to feel better. Yay for me. 7-ish Days until Seattle. Yay again for me. Enjoy.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

High School Memories

I just randomly stumbled onto this video. This is the field show from 1998 that I did at Thousand Oaks High School. It was my junior year and it was one of the best shows. I guess, it's just crazy to see something that was a HUGE part of my life. We practiced every afternoon until late... summers were spent mostly training for the fall field season... every weekend was a competition or a practice... for 3 years I lived, slept and breathed guard. Sometimes it was hell... but it was rewarding to see how impressive we were... Other groups would perform and then run around the stadium and stand to watch us perform because we were that good. We would usually go last because it would give the other groups a chance to see us. During those times, I was pretty much responsible for getting to practice and knowing my stuff and it taught me a lot. I was always running somewhere... Fridays spent performing at football halftime shows, Saturdays and Sundays at competitions. And tucked into all of that I had homework (at least I tried to do homework) and my junior year I had a part time job as well. Anyway, it's 10 minutes long and for me it was my whole life at one point. Ahhh, the days of high school.

Monday, October 1, 2007

October (aka The Best Month Ever) Is Here!

So it's October. Let's look at the numbers, shall we?

  • 13 days until I turn the big ol' 2-5
  • 10 days until I head to Seattle to enjoy the rain but mostly to enjoy Ian
  • 20 days until something called the "Sweetest Day" -- no idea what this is.. it's just on my calendar
  • 31 days until Halloween -- not a huge deal but still!
  • and last but not least... 91 days until the end of the year... why this matters, I don't know.

There have been some hard points during this year... but mainly 24 has been a really good age. I am relatively successful, I have someone who loves me and I love him back, I live in a wonderful new townhouse in a beautiful area, and I have been pretty happy the past few months.

This weekend I was reminded that relationships are work. Nothing is perfect, even my kind of perfect. I can go on and on thinking one thing but until I am told otherwise... I will never know. The one thing I know for absolute certain is I am in love and I will stay that way through the tough times because I know that it is worth it. September proved that to me... "but I will go down with this ship. I won't put my hands up and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door... I'm in love and always will be..."

Anyway, I am happily floating on a placid sea until Seattle. I can't wait for the rain and the cold. Bring it! My sweaters, turtlenecks and scarves are ready. My pjs are ready as well...... Happy October!!! Remember to Squish a Boob!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Fall Is Here!!!

Oh how I LOVE my life! Fall is here! Break out the tissue boxes, scarves, pumpkins, UMBRELLAS and freshly sharpened pencils... the sweaters, allergy medicine and blankets. I am seriously the most happy girl alive... I am madly in love with someone... I am going to Seattle in 20-ish days... It is finally getting cold here... and to top it off... it might rain this weekend! I am just bursting with happiness at the moment. I have soooo much to be thankful for. Even though work is just absolutely slammed and I'm going crazy with all the stuff being tossed my way... I am still just so happy.

/sigh I just love Country music... It's so good and wholesome.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Jumping Ship

Today is a sad day. It is with a heavy heart that I announce my plans to jump ship and become a Seattle Seahawks fan. Many reasons for this decision... Mainly... I'm just not a Broncos fan anymore. There are few facts that need to be said before I convert... First off.. I became a football/Denver Bronco fan in AFTER John Elway held his reign. I never liked him... just something about him that.. meh... I didn't quite like.. I started with the Broncos when it was good ol' drunken Brian "Greasy" at QB... I like Mike Shanahan but I think he is in this set attitude of "run out the clock" as far as his contract goes. I definitely will admit that the new QB Jay Cutler has lots of promise. My heart just isn't in it. I like the idea of starting with a fresh team. I don't know much about the Seahawks... except they have a good RB Shaun Alexander and they lost in Week 2 to the Arizona Cardinals.

So there it is folks... I am officially a Seattle Seahawks fan. Let the jeering and the Bandwagon fan comments begin!

Saturday, September 15, 2007


So, I've been sick for almost a week. I started to feel better today but here I am... 2:30am and I can't sleep at all. I've been sitting up coughing and reading "Memoirs of a Geisha" - which isn't a terribly bad book but certainly not one I want to read over again. I think I am going through withdrawal. From... hmm.. well for awhile I was taking it as a joke but I really think I am going through withdrawal from Ian. I miss him so completely... I have never had a time in my life where I was that happy.

When I've been around other guys... even just around friends... girls or guys and (the following will probably not make any sense but I will try my best to explain)... I hate to say it but I've always had to overlook something or make excuses for different "events"... For instance, in the past, I might find myself being rubbed the wrong way by some one's personality. In order to "keep the peace", I have overlooked it or made an excuse that maybe he/she was just in a bad mood. In reality, this is how the person actually behaved and I wanted so desperately to either fit in or avoid conflict that I ignored it. I wasn't being honest but I wasn't outright lying. Months afterward I would look back and worry about what I said or did in that situation and think about what I could have done better. I am easily embarrassed and these conflicts would just dig me deeper into trying to grasp how other people perceived me. In the end, I was just thinking too much. Still, I would make excuses for the silliest things. If my boyfriend at the time happened to be anti-social, I would make an excuse that it would get better. Miraculously, he would one day realize that at some point he must function outside the walls of his house and then life would be good again. Of course, I was crazy to think that and I had to learn the hard way that it would never happen. The worst thing is... I moved for a guy that I had to make HUGE excuses for. I uprooted my whole life, caused huge inconveniences to most of the people around me and wasted so much money... all for someone I had to ignore so many things. Seriously, what the hell was I thinking? It was the most irresponsible thing I could have done at the time. I am truly sorry to all the parties involved. I am thankful I even landed on my feet. Lesson learned.

My point is... for the first time in my entire life (scary, yes)... I have not had to make excuses or overlook anything for another person. I understand his personality. I am learning all the many facets of his character and I love everything. He fits me. I can be my most honest and sincere self without feeling worried what he may think. It was almost natural to be around him. A bit surreal.... but I felt comfortable. I still had my usual hang ups... self esteem issues, all that... but it honestly had NOTHING to do with him. I want to make myself into the best version of me for him. The most wonderful part about it? None of it matters to him. He likes me just the way I am. And I believe him.

I think back to that post I made regarding the Frou Frou song "Let Go". I was viewing my life with a feeling of disassociation. "I imagined my life the past few years like I am on one of those airport moving walkways... images flashing before me of the events but all I see is the light reflected on my face." I haven't felt like that in months... Everything points forward. Everything I want is for the future. I am enjoying every second of the present... but I have my future held firmly in my own hands. I am comfortable with that. Okay, less thinking - more sleeping. Goodnight.

Monday, September 10, 2007


"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- Harry Burns in When Harry Met Sally


I have floated back down to Earth... Sadly, I hate the current reality. Being without Ian is almost not an option. I feel so safe with him. Yesterday I went through the pictures of the weekend.. missing every little moment. I just genuinely had fun with him. He understands me and my silliness so much more than anyone I've ever known. Maybe someday he can be around all the time... and then my life would be absolutely perfect. My kind of perfect.

I am sick at the moment. Cold or something...

Friday, September 7, 2007

Stay With Me... Lay With Me...

So I am getting settled back into my "normal" life. I am trying to be happy with what I have right now... but it's so hard because I know I can have so much better. It is the weekend. No new plans as of right now. I walk around in a haze... trying to be happy... trying not to think about the last weekend... but then slipping back into those wonderful thoughts. I just need to get through the next 34 days... and I'll be okay...

Just 34 days... and then... Seattle... rain... awesomeness once again... /sigh

Thursday, September 6, 2007

California Coincidences

Coincidences from my first trip to California to see my love Brittany...
  • Our timing was perfect. I walked out the door from the terminal just as you got to the crosswalk across the street.
  • We asked for a water table at the Blue Bayou and they said it would be an hour and a half wait on top of our reservation, but we happened to get a water table anyways without the extra wait.
  • The one ride that we wanted to go on repeatedly at Disneyland, The Haunted Mansion, had a line just short enough that we could get on it again immediately after we walked around from riding it the first time.
  • Nose boop in Superbad.
  • On the absolute last purchase of our time together, Brittany got a California quarter as change back from paying for parking. I was going to offer to give her a couple quarters so she wouldn't get any change back, but for some reason opted not to.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Music & Stuff From The Weekend

The entire awesomest of awesome weekends was filled with music... whether in my head... or played in the car... I still can't believe how good it was... and to stop myself breaking down hysterically crying... I am listening to music. Here are some things from this weekend... I want to replay EVERYTHING over and over in my head... Some pictures will come probably this weekend -- I don't think at this point I can handle looking at them.

I'm accidentally in love and extremely happy about it.

Thirteen Senses - "Into the Fire"

It was definitely a Pirate's Life for me on Saturday evening... Rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and then had dinner inside the ride at the Blue Bayou restaurant.

I was so comfortable... almost completely comfortable... that has never happened to me before.

Drowning in my sleep... I'm drowning in my sleep...

Superbad was surprisingly an awesome movie... I like McLovin but I love McIan.

"Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater... Love to think that you couldn't love another... I can't help it... you're my kind of man."

Nat King Cole - "LOVE"

Geez... could there be a more memorable ride at Disneyland...? I mean I remember the beginning of it... but the rest... kind of a blur...

"Give me gravity, give me clarity, give me something to rely on..."

Smile Though Your Heart Is Aching

This weekend was the most wonderful weekend of my entire life. I never thought it could be this good or that it would be this hard to say goodbye. There has never been one single person that has made me completely comfortable or completely happy... Ian is so awesome to be around... I have so much fun just being in his presence... I am so very lucky... and I am so in love with him.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Sinking & Floating

My heart is on a plane that is taking off at this very moment. What am I going to do without him...

Friday, August 31, 2007

O. M. G.

This is officially the best day ever. It was the best day ever because Ian is coming to visit... but it is even more awesome because The Office put out the promotion for the upcoming season. O. M. G. I'm nervous and scared and it's only 6:03am... But it's a good day!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Way I Are

*shakes booty* This song is getting me through a 151 slide presentation... and my jitters...

Floating... Again...

And we are back to where it all began... I am anxious, nervous and scared... but really... it just makes me feel so alive. I am floating again and I hope this weekend goes well. I think in the end... it will just be this wonderful, fun, relaxing extended weekend being roasted by the heat.. but still loving every second. "Give me gravity, give me clarity... give me something to rely on..."

Also, here is another TREOS song... Planning a Prison Break... Gotta love those skinny jeans... yes I'm serious... =D

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Diaper Free? Yeah... Uhm... No.

Parents begin potty training at birth...

Yeah... I don't know about that one... Seems sort of hippy-ish to want your child to "signal" you at 14 weeks that they need to go to the bathroom. Personally, I look forward to the diapers... and the baby wipes... and all the hassle. Oh and I am never letting my child go the bathroom in a public restroom sink..........

Friday, August 24, 2007

Infinite Silence

7 days... in case anyone wasn't aware.. that's a week... one little teeny tiny week... I'm okay! Thank god it's Friday though... There are certain people at work that are getting on my nerves... I find myself being irritated almost hourly... that's an awful way to be. Anyway, I bought my dress for the Seattle trip... Hopefully it fits and I look good in it! /crosses fingers...

Thursday, August 23, 2007

This Is Ridiculous

Widowed by WOW

Oh come on! Okay, okay... I get that WoW is addicting. I play myself. Probably an above average amount. But come on! At what point does real life start taking place. You choose the artificial life over the real thing??? Don't get me wrong... I went willing into a relationship where a guy played almost 24/7 and I was punished for it when I had uprooted my life for the guy and landed in Craplando. But seriously... You marry a guy and then he is willing to disappear into a video game so often that you feel like he is absent from your life??? GET OUT. Get out like yesterday. I game.. But it doesn't define me. I am with someone who games with me... But it isn't about WoW. It's about being together. I am sorry but if you choose someone who likes to disappear quite often into a game rather than spend time with you or the kids... You're an idiot and you deserve what you get. And if you're the addict... you're pathetic.

Superbad -- Thoughts?

Really Long Movie Title

You would think they would have cut it in half...

Anyway, look at the countdown to the right... Yeah.. OMGOMGOMGOGMGOMG. I am ok.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Bobblehead Britt

My mind is in 20 different places at the moment. Lots of babble at work... Planning for the Labor day weekend and my Seattle trip in October... Straightening my house, bills and dealing with my everyday "stuff". Today was one of the first days in a really long time that I have felt good - even if the sun is shining - and happy that things are going smoothly. It's just this damn seasonal depression. I know that everyone thinks it is just so weird that I get depressed in the summer time... but I really do. I have lived my whole life, minus the stint in craplando, in a place that has beachy weather 90% of the year. I can't even remember the last time it rained properly. The only good side to these days is the mornings tend to be foggy along the coast. My place is situated in the mountains between the beach and the rest of the city... During the night, a thick fog will roll in from the ocean and stay usually until 9am if I'm lucky. Now it's perfectly sunny with a slight breeze. Blah. Still... I shouldn't complain. I'm tremendously lucky. I should remember that. Even if it is "beautiful" outside.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Why Can't We Look The Other Way?

So yeah.............

14 days, half of which is a number that begins with 7 and ends with 7 and there is only

one of them.

I am not freaking out.

It's Friday! I am so lightheaded at the moment... I am not sure why... Anyway... back on Monday.

Politics + Gays = Daily Show Gold

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


I can't sleep. Last night I didn't get much sleep... tonight is even worse. It's now 2:30 or so and I've been up since 12:30. One reason could be that I'm just hot and it's making me uncomfortable... but... I just lay there and start thinking... Not about anything too exciting either... I think about work... what I'm going to wear the next day... what I am going to do this weekend (highlight my hair and other girly things)... just random mundane stuff... Then I start to drift off... but I start thinking about the countdown and then I'm wide awake. It's a vicious cycle. OK! Glass of water and then back to bed. Enjoy the soothing sounds of Twelve Girls Band (actually it's 13 girls playing traditional Chinese instruments).

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Monday, August 13, 2007

18 Days... Half Of That Is A Number That Starts With 9 And Ends With 9 And There Is Only One Of Them

Don't see my ones, don't see my guns, get it... Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it...

I wanna be there when you're happy... I wanna be there when you're sad... (The song has grown on me... plus they are playing the upcoming KROQ L.A. Invasion... we'll see what good live sets come out of it...)

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Sappy Pathetic Little Me

It is 2:30am and I can't sleep. I slept from 10pm til now... and I can't seem to get back to sleep. It's odd... I toss and turn... get up... pad softly to the kitchen across the cold hardwood floors to get a drink of water... back to my bed where the sheets have turned cool again... lay back down and try everything to go back to sleep. I'm not really thinking about anything in particular. Well... the course of events that has led me to where I am right now maybe... Being sort of lost out of high school because of my age and my shaky family structure at the time. Landing an 'okay' job at Countrywide that was almost too easy for me. Meeting some guy who promised me everything, giving up everything for said guy and moving to a state that really should be cut off from the rest of the United States and left to float away into the Atlantic ocean. (Seriously... worst state ever). Having enough sense to know that it's not working and leaving said state early one morning and driving north along the east coast essentially making a giant u-turn. Feeling like the biggest failure, jobless yet again and sleeping on the stone floor of the office in my mom's house. A few days later getting a call from my dream job at Amgen to become at least a temp. Getting to know a funny, cocky guy that opens me up to his world and his friends. Finding a small but new place to live in a very wealthy neighborhood close to work. Interviewing like crazy in the mad hope of landing FINALLY a permanent position that includes a nice salary and health benefits. Being branded by the funny, cocky guy and quietly trying to escape it. Still interviewing so many times I can hardly count them... and being let down that I'm just not quite what they were looking for... Finding someone who can make me laugh... and I can make him laugh. Floating at the mere thought that there is someone in my life I can be completely comfortable with. Giving up the last shred of hope for finding a permanent position at Amgen... only to get a last minute call about interviewing for some random position in the main building for some high level executive... Spending one whole day doing non-stop interviews and getting the call a half hour after they finish that I have landed it. Falling deeply in love with someone I didn't think I could stand a chance with. Adjusting my days and nights to maximize my time with said person. And now counting down the days until I get my reward for being so patient... err well... impatient but still.

I have probably posted about this before... but it's what is on my mind... I am not always looking back... but I think it is really important for me to know where I have been. Now that the above mess is out of my head... and it is 3:00am... maybe I can sleep.

Friday, August 3, 2007

*Sleepy Giggles On A Friday Morning*

Best Week Ever

Check out the countdown on the right hand side... Yeah... it's a good day.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Why Is It So Hot?!?!

Maybe they forgot to drop in the ice cubes this week...

Monday, July 30, 2007

July... Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out

August is almost here!  Over the weekend I... broke a nail, got a flat tire, lost my debit card and had an allergy/asthma attack last night.  But I don't care...! 

Oh and I want a wombat!

Friday, July 27, 2007

So... I'll Ask Again... Is Summer Over Yet?

I hate the summer.  It makes me grouchy.  I am so irritable because I hate the heat... the sun... UGH.  And the day just started. 

My Love For...

A Wide Range of Music v.2

Country Music - The Men

Following my previous post on 'The Women'... let's take a look at my random tastes for male country singers.  I remember riding around in my dad's truck listening to country on his cassette tapes.  I like a lot of the early to mid 90's country.  Only a few songs interest me today.  Take a look... give it a chance... it's not all bad. 

Garth Brooks - Shameless:  Gotta love the black cowboy hat, snap button shirt and skinny black jeans.  So hot.  HA.  My favorite part is around 45 seconds left... anyone who has been in love might understand that part.

Keith Urban - Somebody Like You: One of the newer songs I like.

Alabama - Mountain Music: Vintage Disneyland! SO Awesome.  Come on... you know you want to tap your toes.

Soggy Bottom Boys - I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow

The Charlie Daniels Band - Devil Went Down To Georgia: Made very popular by the movie 'Urban Cowboy'.

The Highway Men (Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson and Waylon Jennings) - Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Fake Newspaper Shuts Down!

So sad... but some of their covers were hilarious...

Monday, July 23, 2007

Bucket Of Ice Water

It's Monday, it's been 6 months, it's 39 days until zebraloudsoundslove AND... I will probably get off early today.  A W E S O M E.  /bucketoficewatergogo

George (my boss) is out of the office today in Europe for some meetings.  It's steadily busy and not as hot today.  I'm good! 

This weekend I didn't feel good.  Headaches and stuff... I think I was kind of down because every time I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw.  I know that this is something everyone goes through... especially women... but I just couldn't seem to pick myself up out of that.  I don't think there is any way for me to pick myself up out of it.  Just sigh and move on... It seems narcissistic to talk about not liking how you look... or being upset by it.  I just think about being embarassed all the time... or being uncomfortable almost all the time.  And no one wants to love a girl that has issues like that.  I look forward to having a happy day where I don't think about it.  It's an almost constant issue... all in my head. 

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Some People...

...deserve to be tortured, castrated, and then electrocuted.  But that's just me.  This person is one of them.

Anyway, it's hot, I'm grumpy... but life is still good. Blah.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Startin' To All Come Together

So yeah... another week.  What does it have in store for me...? Uhm... nothing.  More of the same.  Counting down the days, setting up the logisitics of my team at work, hating the summer time, and wishing it would rain.  Next week I think my mom is going on a cruise with Erik and my boss is in Europe so it should be a little different.  Oh so yeah, did I mention... life is good?

Friday, July 13, 2007

On Second Thought... day might not be so bad afterall.

It could always be worse...

Thursday, July 12, 2007

July Is Over Right?

This month has to end.  It has to be August.  August is a good month.  This morning I got almost all the way up to my office before I realized that I left my laptop at home.  AWESOME. 

Not the same... but still..

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Monday, July 9, 2007

July Is Here!

Yeah it is!  I am back after my week vacation/company shutdown.  I feel refreshed and excited for this summer to be over.  Nothing really eventful happened... I went shopping, cleaned house, vegged out and basked in the breeze of my AC.  The work week should go quickly as most people are coming down from the vacation high and don't really want to work.  But anyway... life is good. 

Interpol - "Evil"

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

My Apologies...

So this month has been the month where I don't post a lot.  Honestly, my brain has just checked out.  I am mentally and physically exhausted from life.  My life is wonderful but parts can be just exhausting.  It has been almost two years since I have had a vacation.  A true vacation where I actually have a job and are getting paid while I am off.  Yes, there was a portion of time last year when I wasn't working... But that's soooooo not a vacation.  That's called worrying if you're going to be able to provide for yourself.  The funny thing is... I am not really looking forward to the sleeping in or anything relaxing like that... I just want to be home or shopping or something that doesn't involve work.  Plus, this is a company shutdown week... so that means when I return from this vacation... I won't have a billion emails or messages waiting for me.  It is literally a guilt free vacation.

It's probably because I feel sick but I just think I am ready for time off.  I am ready for June.. hell.. I am ready for this summer to be over.  I have a feeling that the fall is going to be just awesome. 

Anyway, I doubt I will post again this month or the first week of July.  SO... have fun, enjoy the summer, be safe, be kind, etc etc.  /kisses

Monday, June 25, 2007

Ha... Awesome... I <3 Canada

Wal-mart Public School

Just another reason why I love Canada... But then again... Florida is still apart of the United States... Damnit.

So anyway... the weekend was good.  Nice and relaxing... I am planning so much of my future that I seem to be living in it rather than present day.  While this may seem bad to other people... I kind of like it.  It allows me to forget that I am deep in the middle of this crappy summer and let's me dream of the fun stuff coming up.  Meh... Better get back to work... only 4 more days left until the week shutdown.  YAY.


Saturday, June 23, 2007

5 Months...

Time has flown, gone by extremely slowly, or just plain stopped altogether. Here's to the next 5 months being even better than the first...

I am so in love with you..

Friday, June 22, 2007

*Crosses Friday Finish Line*

It's been a dramatic week.

Come stand under my umbrella...

Every little thing I do is magic.  HA! *POOF*


Pour your sugar on me... I can't get enough... I'm hot... sticky sweet...

Monday, June 18, 2007

Monday's McCheekersons

The weekend was good.  Nice and relaxing.  I bought a new nightstand from Cost Plus World Market... I love that place.  I went there as an after thought... since my furniture is on the modern side... they ended up having something I liked.  I also bribed my mom's husband into putting it together -- Awesome!  

Work this week should be steady.  I have my early morning meeting tomorrow... Not fun...  BUT 2 more weeks and Amgen shuts down for a week!  It has been way too long since I have been off work for an extended period of time that isn't because I am out of work!  I can just relax and play with my Quick Bead.  Just kidding.

Friday, June 15, 2007

AMG 531

Out of 30+ drugs that are in the pipeline at my work, the one drug that happens to be on my team is going to file with the FDA in the fall. The date of the filing is our 9 month anniversary - October 23rd.

*Satisfied Sigh*

Ahhh... all in a days work... *puts hands behind head and floats on back*

It's Friday, payday and check out this bad boy.  That's right... that baby is all *mine*....  Where should I break in my new digital camera?  How about Disneyland?  Say around September-ish?  Awesome!

My plans for the weekend... rest my broken tail, prepare for my upcoming week long work holiday, and get my nails done.  WOW.  I lead a rough life...  *stretches back again and continues to float*

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Impaired By Cuteness

Awwwww.... I want a baby (otter) to float with!  

It's over the hump day!  One big meeting today and not much else.  I have a feeling that this day is going to go so slowly. =(  This month is half over... Thankfully it isn't too hot.  I ran the air conditioner in my house for the first time yesterday.  I grew up without it so it's such a novelty for me to use it.  Maybe that's why I haven't been sleeping all the well... Just too hot... I like it when I get a really cold without realizing it and then pull the blankets over me to almost instant warmth.  That usually puts me to sleep. 

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Can I Go Home Yet?

I don't feel well and I think I am getting sick.  One minutes I'm freezing... next my forehead is burning... /sigh... Anyway, I am very easily irritated today.  Everything is annoying and I am just ready to crack!  You know what is annoying me at the current moment?  Accents.  Yes, I am pissed off because people around me have thick annoying accents.  Seriously.  Kill me. 

I wish's HTML editor worked this well...

Tuesday, June 12, 2007


Nothing says cute like a porcupine.

No early morning meeting today.  Yay.  Sushi with mom.  Yay.  80 days until zebraloudsoundslove.  YAY.

Monday, June 11, 2007

On Relationships...

A wise woman I once talked to gave me a very insightful overview of relationships... Maybe it's too simple.. maybe she has it all wrong... but I thought it was good...

The Bloom Stage: This is the period of the relationship where everything is new.  Also known as the 'Honeymoon Period', it is where you start out optimistic.. open to everything.. butterflies are common.. and you start to find out a little of who the other person is.  This time usually lasts any where from a few weeks to a few months but no longer than a year.

The Rock n' Roll Stage:  This is where most relationships usually end.  You really get to know the person.  You either know they are the one or you don't.  The periods of good and bad times can last much longer than most think.  It is your willingness to stick it out that makes or breaks your love.  Usually the question that defines this period is... Is it worth it?  Hopefully by now the answer is yes.  This period lasts anywhere from 5 to 15 years. 

Fine Wine Stage: The last stage is where everything is clicking.  You know the other person inside and out.  They make you happy, sad and content.  You have experienced the entire range of emotion towards them and in the end... you are still in love.  This is the time that is marked by grandkids, road trips, matching jackets (just kidding), and retirement.  This period of course lasts through the times when you hold hands and use the other for your cane...

Of course every relationship is different... and some are much more complicated... But someday I hope to make it to the 'Fine Wine Stage'...


Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Little Reminder

Just a little snippet to remind you that I am so in love with you. You are the most amazing, caring, giving, funny, intelligent, awesome guy that I have ever known. I count my blessings every day that I wake up to you... and I can't wait to be able to sign my name Brittany Matheson (confession: sometimes when I am doodling that's how I sign my name)... You make me laugh and feel so good about myself. You match me in almost every way. Thank you so much for being in my life. I hope I can keep you.