Thursday, September 20, 2007

Fall Is Here!!!

Oh how I LOVE my life! Fall is here! Break out the tissue boxes, scarves, pumpkins, UMBRELLAS and freshly sharpened pencils... the sweaters, allergy medicine and blankets. I am seriously the most happy girl alive... I am madly in love with someone... I am going to Seattle in 20-ish days... It is finally getting cold here... and to top it off... it might rain this weekend! I am just bursting with happiness at the moment. I have soooo much to be thankful for. Even though work is just absolutely slammed and I'm going crazy with all the stuff being tossed my way... I am still just so happy.

/sigh I just love Country music... It's so good and wholesome.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Jumping Ship

Today is a sad day. It is with a heavy heart that I announce my plans to jump ship and become a Seattle Seahawks fan. Many reasons for this decision... Mainly... I'm just not a Broncos fan anymore. There are few facts that need to be said before I convert... First off.. I became a football/Denver Bronco fan in AFTER John Elway held his reign. I never liked him... just something about him that.. meh... I didn't quite like.. I started with the Broncos when it was good ol' drunken Brian "Greasy" at QB... I like Mike Shanahan but I think he is in this set attitude of "run out the clock" as far as his contract goes. I definitely will admit that the new QB Jay Cutler has lots of promise. My heart just isn't in it. I like the idea of starting with a fresh team. I don't know much about the Seahawks... except they have a good RB Shaun Alexander and they lost in Week 2 to the Arizona Cardinals.

So there it is folks... I am officially a Seattle Seahawks fan. Let the jeering and the Bandwagon fan comments begin!

Saturday, September 15, 2007


So, I've been sick for almost a week. I started to feel better today but here I am... 2:30am and I can't sleep at all. I've been sitting up coughing and reading "Memoirs of a Geisha" - which isn't a terribly bad book but certainly not one I want to read over again. I think I am going through withdrawal. From... hmm.. well for awhile I was taking it as a joke but I really think I am going through withdrawal from Ian. I miss him so completely... I have never had a time in my life where I was that happy.

When I've been around other guys... even just around friends... girls or guys and (the following will probably not make any sense but I will try my best to explain)... I hate to say it but I've always had to overlook something or make excuses for different "events"... For instance, in the past, I might find myself being rubbed the wrong way by some one's personality. In order to "keep the peace", I have overlooked it or made an excuse that maybe he/she was just in a bad mood. In reality, this is how the person actually behaved and I wanted so desperately to either fit in or avoid conflict that I ignored it. I wasn't being honest but I wasn't outright lying. Months afterward I would look back and worry about what I said or did in that situation and think about what I could have done better. I am easily embarrassed and these conflicts would just dig me deeper into trying to grasp how other people perceived me. In the end, I was just thinking too much. Still, I would make excuses for the silliest things. If my boyfriend at the time happened to be anti-social, I would make an excuse that it would get better. Miraculously, he would one day realize that at some point he must function outside the walls of his house and then life would be good again. Of course, I was crazy to think that and I had to learn the hard way that it would never happen. The worst thing is... I moved for a guy that I had to make HUGE excuses for. I uprooted my whole life, caused huge inconveniences to most of the people around me and wasted so much money... all for someone I had to ignore so many things. Seriously, what the hell was I thinking? It was the most irresponsible thing I could have done at the time. I am truly sorry to all the parties involved. I am thankful I even landed on my feet. Lesson learned.

My point is... for the first time in my entire life (scary, yes)... I have not had to make excuses or overlook anything for another person. I understand his personality. I am learning all the many facets of his character and I love everything. He fits me. I can be my most honest and sincere self without feeling worried what he may think. It was almost natural to be around him. A bit surreal.... but I felt comfortable. I still had my usual hang ups... self esteem issues, all that... but it honestly had NOTHING to do with him. I want to make myself into the best version of me for him. The most wonderful part about it? None of it matters to him. He likes me just the way I am. And I believe him.

I think back to that post I made regarding the Frou Frou song "Let Go". I was viewing my life with a feeling of disassociation. "I imagined my life the past few years like I am on one of those airport moving walkways... images flashing before me of the events but all I see is the light reflected on my face." I haven't felt like that in months... Everything points forward. Everything I want is for the future. I am enjoying every second of the present... but I have my future held firmly in my own hands. I am comfortable with that. Okay, less thinking - more sleeping. Goodnight.

Monday, September 10, 2007


"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- Harry Burns in When Harry Met Sally


I have floated back down to Earth... Sadly, I hate the current reality. Being without Ian is almost not an option. I feel so safe with him. Yesterday I went through the pictures of the weekend.. missing every little moment. I just genuinely had fun with him. He understands me and my silliness so much more than anyone I've ever known. Maybe someday he can be around all the time... and then my life would be absolutely perfect. My kind of perfect.

I am sick at the moment. Cold or something...

Friday, September 7, 2007

Stay With Me... Lay With Me...

So I am getting settled back into my "normal" life. I am trying to be happy with what I have right now... but it's so hard because I know I can have so much better. It is the weekend. No new plans as of right now. I walk around in a haze... trying to be happy... trying not to think about the last weekend... but then slipping back into those wonderful thoughts. I just need to get through the next 34 days... and I'll be okay...

Just 34 days... and then... Seattle... rain... awesomeness once again... /sigh

Thursday, September 6, 2007

California Coincidences

Coincidences from my first trip to California to see my love Brittany...
  • Our timing was perfect. I walked out the door from the terminal just as you got to the crosswalk across the street.
  • We asked for a water table at the Blue Bayou and they said it would be an hour and a half wait on top of our reservation, but we happened to get a water table anyways without the extra wait.
  • The one ride that we wanted to go on repeatedly at Disneyland, The Haunted Mansion, had a line just short enough that we could get on it again immediately after we walked around from riding it the first time.
  • Nose boop in Superbad.
  • On the absolute last purchase of our time together, Brittany got a California quarter as change back from paying for parking. I was going to offer to give her a couple quarters so she wouldn't get any change back, but for some reason opted not to.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Music & Stuff From The Weekend

The entire awesomest of awesome weekends was filled with music... whether in my head... or played in the car... I still can't believe how good it was... and to stop myself breaking down hysterically crying... I am listening to music. Here are some things from this weekend... I want to replay EVERYTHING over and over in my head... Some pictures will come probably this weekend -- I don't think at this point I can handle looking at them.

I'm accidentally in love and extremely happy about it.

Thirteen Senses - "Into the Fire"

It was definitely a Pirate's Life for me on Saturday evening... Rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and then had dinner inside the ride at the Blue Bayou restaurant.

I was so comfortable... almost completely comfortable... that has never happened to me before.

Drowning in my sleep... I'm drowning in my sleep...

Superbad was surprisingly an awesome movie... I like McLovin but I love McIan.

"Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater... Love to think that you couldn't love another... I can't help it... you're my kind of man."

Nat King Cole - "LOVE"

Geez... could there be a more memorable ride at Disneyland...? I mean I remember the beginning of it... but the rest... kind of a blur...

"Give me gravity, give me clarity, give me something to rely on..."

Smile Though Your Heart Is Aching

This weekend was the most wonderful weekend of my entire life. I never thought it could be this good or that it would be this hard to say goodbye. There has never been one single person that has made me completely comfortable or completely happy... Ian is so awesome to be around... I have so much fun just being in his presence... I am so very lucky... and I am so in love with him.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Sinking & Floating

My heart is on a plane that is taking off at this very moment. What am I going to do without him...