Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Sappy Pathetic Little Me

It is 2:30am and I can't sleep. I slept from 10pm til now... and I can't seem to get back to sleep. It's odd... I toss and turn... get up... pad softly to the kitchen across the cold hardwood floors to get a drink of water... back to my bed where the sheets have turned cool again... lay back down and try everything to go back to sleep. I'm not really thinking about anything in particular. Well... the course of events that has led me to where I am right now maybe... Being sort of lost out of high school because of my age and my shaky family structure at the time. Landing an 'okay' job at Countrywide that was almost too easy for me. Meeting some guy who promised me everything, giving up everything for said guy and moving to a state that really should be cut off from the rest of the United States and left to float away into the Atlantic ocean. (Seriously... worst state ever). Having enough sense to know that it's not working and leaving said state early one morning and driving north along the east coast essentially making a giant u-turn. Feeling like the biggest failure, jobless yet again and sleeping on the stone floor of the office in my mom's house. A few days later getting a call from my dream job at Amgen to become at least a temp. Getting to know a funny, cocky guy that opens me up to his world and his friends. Finding a small but new place to live in a very wealthy neighborhood close to work. Interviewing like crazy in the mad hope of landing FINALLY a permanent position that includes a nice salary and health benefits. Being branded by the funny, cocky guy and quietly trying to escape it. Still interviewing so many times I can hardly count them... and being let down that I'm just not quite what they were looking for... Finding someone who can make me laugh... and I can make him laugh. Floating at the mere thought that there is someone in my life I can be completely comfortable with. Giving up the last shred of hope for finding a permanent position at Amgen... only to get a last minute call about interviewing for some random position in the main building for some high level executive... Spending one whole day doing non-stop interviews and getting the call a half hour after they finish that I have landed it. Falling deeply in love with someone I didn't think I could stand a chance with. Adjusting my days and nights to maximize my time with said person. And now counting down the days until I get my reward for being so patient... err well... impatient but still.

I have probably posted about this before... but it's what is on my mind... I am not always looking back... but I think it is really important for me to know where I have been. Now that the above mess is out of my head... and it is 3:00am... maybe I can sleep.

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