Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Happy New Year!

Today is the first day that I have been able to write since the holidays. I have just been so busy with everything. A funeral, Christmas, Ian's visit, New Years and being back at work. It's just been crazy.

The funeral I will have to explain in a separate post because it deserves to be addressed apart from this entry.

Christmas was wonderful. I went to my mom's house and opened gifts. I expected to get mostly kitchen stuff, which I did, but I also got the silly thing I wanted... a NINTENDO DS! I spent the last few weeks playing with it... Nintendogs, Diner Dash, Zoo Tycoon, Cake Mania, Harvest Moon and many more. Which reminds me... must check on my dogs, BRB. Hehe.

Ian's visit was exactly how I wanted it to be. Instead of being a short weekend, we had almost two whole weeks together. It was more like normal everyday life. We had days we did stuff and went out... We had days where we did nothing at all and it was absolutely awesome. We got to see how our relationship would be if we lived in the same place. The result, of course, was... perfect. Unfortunately, it has made us extremely depressed when we had to part. I bought a ticket to fly up there next month but it is just not the same. This last trip was the first time that I cried as much as I did. I cried before taking him to the airport, at the airport, on the ride home, at Best Buy, at home, in the shower, while brushing my teeth and while waiting for him to come online. I farmed on his mage for something and was actually crying during that. I went home and slowly climbed the stairs. My house was empty... my heart just ached with the thought that I would spending the night alone. Everything I did was pointless. I washed dishes - pointless. Made my bed - pointless. Washed clothes - pointless. Just this overwhelming depression hit me and I could barely breathe. Nothing gives me happiness like Ian. It is the most honest and comfortable (ok, relatively comfortable) I have been. I just can't find and don't want to find that kind of happiness anywhere else. I need to be with him in normal everyday life. Not this on hold life...

It has been the best and worst start to the New Year. The best because I was with Ian (albeit asleep!) on New Years Eve and we spent New Years Day with my parents at Disneyland. The worst because yesterday I lost my ring. I cried and spent a few hours awake last night worrying about it. I don't know where my mind is but it is just not in the present. (Maybe I need to do more Brain Age training....) While Ian was here I lost the ring once, knocked over countless glasses, banged heads with him and probably hurt myself more than normal. I don't know what to expect of this year. My company is going to go through some more hard times but I should be alright. Ian and I have a bunch of trips planned. I turn 26... (scary). I don't know. I must continue to remember that even though this is so hard... my life right now is much better than it has been in the past few years. Last year was wonderful. I am sure this year will be more of the same.

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