MSNBC Contributor Michael Ventre put out a list of things to expect during this weekend's game. I have included my favorites... it's a lot.. but it's SOOOOO funny. Oh and my favorite past commercial is at the end.. for obvious reasons.
- At halftime, security will be given instructions to keep Justin Timberlake away from Tom Petty's nipples.
- The Mannings — Archie, Peyton and Eli — will be presented with a special award commemorating the fact that they have now endorsed every product ever produced since time began.
- During the postgame celebration, Randy Moss will be told he can have his extension. He will then ask, “Contract or restraining order?” *I love his accent...*
- Bill Belichick will refuse to disclose whether he will use a Canon or Nikon spy camera during the game.
- The 1972 Miami Dolphins will be unhappy after the Patriots go undefeated, but they’ll pop champagne anyway because they have nothing else to do these days except drink. *I hate the 72' Dolphins*
- Michael Strahan will have no impact on the game whatsoever, but he’ll make it sound later as if he should have been named MVP.
- Tiki Barber will try to use the fact that Eli Manning wasn’t able to lead the underdog Giants to a history-making upset of the unbeaten Pats as evidence that he was right about Eli all along. *Eli's a mouth breather*
- Wes Welker will catch everything that is thrown to him, but will be denied access to the Patriots’ postgame lockerroom because security guards will refuse to believe he’s with the team.
- Brett Favre will be interviewed during the game and announce that he isn’t ready to make an announcement.
- At one point early on, the officials will stop the game and huddle to discuss the issue, “What the heck kind of a name is Plaxico?”
- Junior Seau will admit to his teammates during a pregame meeting that it isn’t right for a 39-year-old man to go by the name “Junior.” *Amen*
- Tom Coughlin will use a photo of his face from the NFC title game in Green Bay to remind his players about red-zone efficiency.
- Jessica Simpson will attend the game wearing a specially designed jersey with Patriots’ colors and No. 12 on the front and Giants’ colors and No. 10 on the back. She will then be asked to leave by both teams.
- Randy Moss will catch everything that is thrown to him. But because he will be double-teamed, only one pass will be thrown to him.
- Pregame introductions will take so long, they will have an intermission.
- Because the Super Bowl will be held at University of Phoenix Stadium, everyone in attendance will receive a free online degree.
- Matt Leinart will arrive for the game accompanied by Wilmer Valdarrama, Nick Lachey and Danny Masterson but will be denied entry and told at the gate, “Sorry, sir. We don’t have a C list.”
- Deion Sanders will question why LaDainian Tomlinson isn’t in the game until he’s informed that he isn’t a member of either team. *Deion and his slick suits... /vomit*
- Several Giants defenders will sack Tom Brady at once. When the officials pull apart the pile, they will discover that Brady is missing. But soon they will locate him wedged in the gap in Michael Strahan’s teeth. *I spit apple juice on my keyboard at this one...*
- The best Super Bowl commercial will be the one with a cute real-life or animated animal. And there is a 50-50 chance it will also feature Peyton Manning. *If it does feature Peyton, I will most certainly change the channel...*
- Don Shula will be turned away after he tries to enter the stadium carrying a large sign with an asterisk on it. *Again... I hate the 72' Dolphins*
- Tony Romo will be seen walking outside the stadium wearing a sandwich board promoting the Mexican tourism bureau that says, “I went South during the playoffs. Why don’t you?”
- The good news is that the massive amount of beer consumption across the nation during the Super Bowl will provide a much-needed boost to our ailing economy. The bad news is that most beer drinkers paid for all that beer by taking out more subprime loans.
And last but not least... and certainly the most propable.
- The first question out of a network interviewer’s mouth to either Tom Brady or Bill Belichick: “Can you repeat undefeated?” *And it will be met with the cold stare of death...*
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