Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Sleeping And Posting

I am not sure why I can't sleep right now. I know there are a ton of factors though... I seem to have no tolerance for smells today. I thought I kept smelling dust all day. Then when I got home it was some weird cooking smell that I can't pinpoint or make go away. I have a ton of stuff on my plate at work. I lay down and I start thinking about it... all the stuff I have to do before year end... then I throw in the personal stuff I have to do by year end and it's this vicious cycle of worries. I can't wait for the days when I can worry about having to change Emma instead of worrying about my boss that needs his hand held. I love working for him don't get me wrong... but some days it's a bit much. Lately, it seems every day there's an issue about something that I have to reassure him multiple times about. But today was an overall bad work day. I just got volunteered to do a bunch of projects and meetings on top of my already overloaded schedule. Swamped doesn't begin to describe it. To top it off I broke my glasses when Ian was here and they won't get fixed for 2 weeks.

Ian's visit is helping me get through it all though. Every time we have to part it is just heartbreaking. It was supposed to get easier... but it seems the more I fall when I am with him the harder it is. At Thanksgiving it was just as hard as it has ever been. I hated it because of all the people watching... They see these two people... just absolutely crushed because they are separating... crying their eyes out. Even after he walked through the beginning of the security line... there was space for him to stop and hold onto me with a barrier between us. We had spent the entire time together just being sick... and yet I loved every minute.

Anyway, just getting my worries and thoughts out this way help... especially when I can't seem to verbalize them. I think I can sleep now... Ian is already quietly snoring away. Ooga Booga.
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