Monday, October 15, 2007

It's Not Fair

On the drive home from the airport all I could think about and cry about was... it's not fair. It's not fair that I connect with someone and fall for someone so much that lives so far away. I know it is my own fault for doing this again. But this time it's different. I have more fun with Ian than all my friends and boyfriends ever -- combined. Life seems so empty without him. Today I got on a little airport train thingy and I was separated from him. I looked through the few panes of glass that separated us... before I was torn from him. It's my fault but it's just not fair that I can't be with him all the time. When we are together it's like we never were apart. We fall right back into it... so when it comes time to leave again... it's almost surprising.

I didn't think it would hurt this much but honestly it hurts ten times more. On the way home from the airport the first time I was completely sad but I didn't cry until I got home. This time I cried from the moment I got into the car. I would try to distract myself by listening to the radio but then I would start thinking about leaving him again and then I'm a wreck. Even now... I have almost an hour until he gets home... I could do so much. I could unpack, go through my gifts or souvenirs, do laundry... anything... And yet the most I could do was take my camera out of my backpack and scroll through the pictures on it. It's even raining outside and I couldn't care less. I'm barely breathing.

All I can think about now is... 30+ days until I can do it all over again. It's not fair.

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