Monday, August 4, 2008

Last Normal-ish Week

This past weekend was good. Slowly getting ready to head to Virginia for my sister's baby shower. Something odd happened on Saturday. As I was coming back from checking on the dogs at my mom's house, I pulled up to a 3 way stop and saw my dad. It was so strange... he looked right at me and if he recognized me he made no sign that he did. I can't really describe the feeling... it seemed almost as if I had floated up above myself and I was looking down on the situation. It was like someone else's life. How weird is it when your own dad, the person who helped create you... doesn't even recognize you?

Now, I'm not saying this in a 'bad' way. Trust me, I don't miss his presence. It has always been disruptive. I practically disowned him after the incident/voicemail at my sister's graduation. My mom's husband Erik has been more of a father to me than my dad ever was and he's only been around for my early 20s. I remember sitting at my dad's wedding to his new wife and listening to the wife's father give a speech. He said that now that they were married her kids could now call my father "Daddy". He also said this is now one big happy family. And yet... my sister and I were sitting in the audience not even mentioned. (Again, don't get me wrong... I wouldn't have wanted to stand up there to begin with...) Some people at the wedding didn't even know we existed much less that he was previously married. Just like the situation that occurred this weekend, I met it with odd indifference. As if to say... "hmm.. that's weird but whatever".

My dad's crazy sister yelled at me one time and said that I should want to have him in my life because he's my dad. Yeah... so? That doesn't entitle him to respect or a place in my life. He has done nothing but yell and be bitter towards me. When he seperated from my mom he didn't talk to me for a good six months. After that, I heard from him only when he was single. He created a lot of drama at my sister's graduation. I didn't need it. I was miserable... thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend who I moved to Florida to live with... jobless... broke. And after not talking to me since his wedding, he decides to use my sister's graduation as a place to talk (yell over voicemail) about his issues with me. I didn't really consider it a big deal. But following that incident I was more than happy not to have to talk to him again. I'm sure he is happy with his new family.

Anyway, Ian and I have been talking a lot lately about moving and plans for the future. Just looking at a map gets me excited. The last time I crossed the US it was for all the wrong reasons. It was poorly planned... rushed... and it crossed all the bad states of the US. This time... it's actually going to be fun. I will be with someone I truly love. We will take our time... see the sights... take a ton of pictures. If I'm up to it, I might even detail the roadtrip on here.

Finally, here is a picture of a flute playing Panda. Something everyone needs.

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