Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Being Insecure But Better For It

Nothing would make me happier than to be with Ian. Nothing would make me happier than to be married to Ian. I'm just putting it on out there. He makes me the happiest I have ever been. That being said... I'm being insecure. I'm a bit damaged and I've almost completely healed from that damage. Today at lunch a coworker of mine said... You seem to have some reservations. I thought about that statement and was really honest about my response. My reservations are minimal at best. I think I would be the most secure in everything if I had a ring on my finger and I knew it was locked in f.o.r.e.v.e.r. But I don't and I know the reasons behind it. Nothing in the world would make me happier than setting up a little home for Ian and I. The last time I was insecure like this... was when after having a fantastic interview with the lady from Canada... my mom swooped in and voiced her disagreement about everything. **THANKFULLY** I came home to Ian, because he was visiting me, and he just hugged me and made everything better.

Anyway, the moral of this story is... at some point I have to let go of being scared because it's never going to change. I mean, my past is never going to change. The U-Turn Across the United States will always be an event in my past. And I have learned.... oh.. how I have learned from it. I know... in the most honest sense... that nothing would make me happier than to make a little home with Ian, maybe have a couple pets, decide on when to have babies... and any other event that our lives bring. I didn't know that when I made the U-Turn. Not even close. Another point... I'm like... 99% sure Ian feels the same. I'll gain that extra 1% when I have the official ring on my finger and even then... I'm just completely head over heels in love with him. (Disclaimer: This does not mean I'm willing to date him forever until we're old and gray. Nor does this mean I'm willing to pull a Pam and be engaged for 3 years. Just a note to Ian if he reads this. [I love you.]) Okay, below is a nod to The Big Bang Theory - best show ever. The other is just an excuse to post a picture of a bunneh. kthxbai.

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