Sunday, May 20, 2007

Past My Bedtime

I can't sleep.  So much on my mind.  It's one of those times where my mind bounces from one thought to another and back again.  I must seem to jump from one mood to the next in my posts.  Just when I think that things are calm... and life is just floating along... something comes along to bump me and remind me that it's not always so easy.  Don't get me wrong... my life is still the best it's ever been.  I am falling in love with someone.  Can't live without, don't want to live without, head over heels, would give anything for, maddening, filling my heart until it's about to burst love.  I should probably say I have fallen in love with someone.  As a girl at work told me... I'm just gone. 

It is so scary when you open yourself up to a person.  You risk losing everything.  Losing your trust in other people, losing your dignity, and having your deepest thoughts and feelings used against you.  It can be exciting... but still scary.  I want it all.  I want to be happy.  I want to make someone happy and be what he needs.  Hopefully everything he needs, if not a good portion.  Giving yourself over to someone is never simple.  You basically put your heart in their hands and give up the right to complain because you did it willing.  Awhile ago, when I was actually falling, one night my chest felt like it was on fire.  I couldn't think or breathe and I didn't want to.  It was the best feeling.  Floating and drowning at the same time. 

I have this massive headache that I can't seem to shake.  My head feels heavy but I am wide awake.  I am currently listening to someone sleep.  It is the most soothing sound in the world.  Comforting I think.  Maybe I will try to lay down. 

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